Divine Comparison
by caitgirl1
Summary: After all is done and dusted, Skulduggery makes a startling observation about himself. One-shot


Hey guys, I'm Caitgirl1. This is my first story. Hope you like it. Rated T for language. Beta read by RevyCaitEll. If you haven't read her stuff yet, I would advise you to give it a shot.

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The inky blackness did nothing to hide Valkyrie from the vampire snapping at her heels. Trees towered overhead, their branches snagging at her dark clothing. She jumped over a fallen tree and chanced a glance behind her. The vampire was nowhere in sight but she didn't slow down. She still needed to get as much distance between her and it as she possibly could.

Valkyrie turned back around just in time to get a face full of tree. She heard a crunch as her nose hit the trunk. She fell to the ground, sprawling out on her stomach. Luckily, her jacket had absorbed most of the impact but she had still been winded and gasped for air. God I hate trees, Valkyrie thought. Her nose ached and blood was streaming down her face. Well shit. Vampires plus blood equal dead Valkyrie. Not good.

Valkyrie scrambled to her feet trying desperately to stop the bleeding. She pressed her hand to the bloody mess and was rewarded with a sharp stab of pain. She saw movement above her. Staring upwards, she spotted a man with a beard and long brown hair descending from the sky. As the man descended, Valkyrie saw bare white skin in a tree nearby. Vampire.

As the word formed in her head, the vampire pounced but instead hitting Valkyrie it went for the man in the sky.

"Watch out!" Valkyrie screamed.

The bearded man turned his head and his eyes widened slightly in surprise as the vicious creature came shooting towards him. Valkyrie heard a muffled stream of curses as the two collided.

The two figures crashed downward hitting possibly every tree branch in the vicinity. Valkyrie sprinted towards the crash site and arrived as the figures stood up. They both wore expressions of shock as they stumbled about the place trying to get their bearings. The skin of the bearded man retracted leaving a gleaming white skull in its wake.

"Skulduggery look out!" Valkyrie warned as the feral vampire sprang towards the suit wearing skeleton.

Skulduggery raised his hand and the vampire shot sideways towards a tree to Valkyrie's left. She could hear a sickening crunch as flesh crashed into the unforgiving tree trunk. At that moment Valkyrie forgot about her hate for trees and began loving them again.

The vampire rose to its feet and stumbled around the place as if it had spent more time in the pub than it really should have. Valkyrie's nose was still pumping blood and the smell seemed to catch the vampires attention. Its coal-black eyes focused on her as it's mouth drew up into a snarl. The vampire charged and Valkyrie didn't react in time. A clawed hand came out from nowhere, raking her jacket. Her breath left her as a hundred pounds of hungry vampire landed squarely on her chest.

The vampire's pointed teeth started tearing at her jacket, trying desperately to get to the flesh beneath it. Its breath stank of rotten meat mixed with the coppery stench of blood. Valkyrie almost gagged. The weight of her assailant was suddenly thrown off her as Skulduggery barrelled into the offending bloodthirsty creature. Yet again, the two of them crashed into a tree.

Skulduggery was up first but the vampire wasn't far behind. Skulduggery took out his gun and aimed at the snarling, bone-white creature before him. he shot and the bullet met its target. A hole the size of a €1 coin appeared on the vampire's sternum. It didn't slow it down, if anything it made it more enraged and bloodthirsty. It locked eyes with Valkyrie and she shivered at its icy, dead gaze. Once again, the vampire charged at Valkyrie. This vampire really didn't like her. She ducked behind a tree, missing the vampire's snapping jaws by centimetres.

How to kill a vampire… Valkyrie sighed at her stupidity and grasped the small vial hanging from her neck. Seawater. Of course. This time, as the vampire attacked, she allowed it to jump on her. It screeched in her face in what she presumed was triumph. As its mouth opened, Valkyrie tore the vial from around her throat and shoved it into the bastard's mouth. The vampire lept away from Valkyrie, screaming in pain. The scream drowned out as its throat began swelling. The vampire threw itself to the forest floor, rolling and thrashing as its airway closed up, sealing its fate. The struggles grew weaker and at last it remained still.

"I hate vampires with a passion and you know that Skulduggery! Why didn't you tell me we were hunting one?" Valkyrie scowled at her companion.

"I think we were the hunted Val, not the other way around. I'm very sorry, that particular detail must've slipped my mind," the living skeleton replied. He didn't sound very sorry.

"Let's just go, but I won't forget this at Christmas you know," Valkyrie threatened. Skulduggery recoiled in mock hurt.

"But I got you a lovely present last year and you got me a hairbrush," he rummaged around through the leaf litter looking for his lost hat.

"I don't even have hair," he continued.

"You got me a stick. A non-magical boring old stick. It was for when you're using the façade!" Valkyrie argued. Skulduggery paused as his fingers tapped the sigils etched along his collarbone.

Waxy skin flowed across his skull. This time, he was a bald man with a twirly moustache.

"Aw, I kinda liked the whole Jesus vibe," Valkyrie grinned, reminiscing about his less than divine descent from the sky.

"Hey, I'm not like Jesus! I'm better."


End file.
